In Defense Of Turkey

Contrary to what the Turkish soldier in the thumbnail might imply, this blog isn't about the country of Turkey, aka "The place where men who complain about ridiculous looking fake tits go to get ridiculous looking fake hair."

Instead, it's about the most glorious of birds.

It's become annoyingly popular in the past 5-10 years, or so, for people to "bravely" step forward and say they don't enjoy eating turkey at Thanksgiving.

You know what I have to say to those people?

Fuck you.

Perhaps your mom just doesn't know how to fucking cook, or perhaps you are just another lemming, latching on to whatever other people are saying in an unsuccessful attempt to be "edgy."

(or perhaps you just don't like the taste of turkey, but let's just put that aside for now as I am trying to fake anger)

Well, I'm here to tell you that you're not "edgy"… And you're not "brave"… You just have a terrible palate and you're arguably un-American.

So while I prepare to eat an inordinate amount of this sacred bird with my loving family tomorrow, I would like to torment you with this video of me eating a hot dog smothered in mashed sweet potatoes, fried green beans, cranberry sauce, and deep fried motherfucking TURKEY.

Enjoy the "Glizzy Gobbler" from 1950 Original in Westwood, NJ in Westwood, NJ, if you love this country.  Otherwise, feel free to join that fucking weirdo Ellen Degeneres in the UK.

Take a report.

-Large